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Apes Rule!!!

I recently watching the original five Planet of the Apes movies. It is easy for me to see why I loved these as a kid. Although not all of the movies are that good I still consider this series to be a classics of American film. This entry is going to concentrate on the final two movies in the POTA cannon: Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and Battle for the Planet of the Apes. Additional musings about Planet of the Apes and Beneath the Planet of the Apes and Escape from the Planet of the Apes.

After the let down of Beneath and the excitement of Escape I was ready to see what I remembered about Conquest. It was largely how I recalled it although not as much of a 1970’s film as I thought. Which is not to say that it didn’t have any 1970 SF film touches. The humans were still dressed all the same in mono-colored turtle necked fabrics*, authoritarian voices boomed into public spaces to let civilians know what to do, and multi-colored buttons adorned glossy paneled equipment to make it look futuristic. But for some reason I like to remember this movie as resembling a blaxploitation movie with lots of freeze-frames of an angry Caesar gazing through flames. Flames and an angry Caesar are present but not the freeze-frames.

I greatly enjoyed these final two installations and all that they added to the overall Apes mythos. It all came together very well. And we are still left off about a thousand years before Taylor crash lands. Lots can happen and that is one of the quibbles. As Colbinski and I have discussed (during a real conversation and not blogging), these great themes are dealt with in generalities rather than really focusing on them. There are the parallels to the civil rights movement, allusions to animal rights, and taken in today’s poor economic climate a warning about humans who want too much and selfishly mess it up for everyone. And mess it up they did and here came the apes.

Conquest picks up around two decades after Escape left off. A new twist added is that an unheard of disease wipes out dogs and cats and humans turn to replace these pets with monkeys and apes. Soon humans are breeding these animals to be bigger, smarter, and more skilled. Humans then turned these apes into slaves doing al sorts of work and being auctioned off like chattel. Our good pal Caesar**, he borne of Cornelius and Zira and who grew up able to speak in a circus is furious at his fellow apes treatment. And rightly so. So Caesar begins the revolution. All well and good. But Caesar doesn’t want only a Planet of Apes. He envisions a world co-ruled by simian and human.

So after the Conquest the Battle begins. In between these two movies humans send out nuclear bombs to quell the ape revolution, which apparently occurred worldwide. Why nuclear war would help is never really explored. Not too far from a destroyed city that will eventually become the Forbidden Zone (I think) Caesar’s shared utopia is taking bloom but not without problems as Aldo, a gorilla general is causing problems. Mutant humans from below the nuked city appear again and a battle occurs, the apes win, and then Caesar ultimately gets his way over Aldo and we may have everlasting primate peace contrary to the first POTA film.

One aspect that stands out to me is how much I relate to the Apes. I forgot all about the mutant humans appearing in Beneath and Battle. With good reason, I forgot them. They are terrible additions and I wish they weren’t around. Even as a precocious young’un I could even see that. Even when Aldo is chased by Caesar with the other apes chanting “Ape Shall Not Kill Ape!” I felt a twinge of sympathy for Aldo. Interestingly, Also is named as the Ape that wrote the Sacred Scrolls from which Ape Law is given. Battle shows that that is no longer the case. Caesar’s Rules abound and peace and harmony exist some 900 years after his death. As Colbinski has pointed out (again, during a spoken conversation) this brings about the Terminator Paradox***. Caesar needs the events of the first two movies to happen to even be born. His new rules suggest that that may not happen. So how will he be born? This is what I find interesting about the years between the end of Battle and the first Planet. What happens? Does another Aldo come along and upset the harmonic apple cart? Or will Taylor crash land in a world where he will be accepted? Oh, for a few more Apes movies.

*It amazes me that so many SF films made in the 70’s have people wearing the same exact clothing. This was a time when counter-culture and individualism were taking root, when differences were being praised and celebrated. Yet conformity regarding sartorial choices was constantly portrayed. Is this because filmmakers viewed this conformity as part of their vision of some future utopia or just plain laziness and/or lack of imagination?

** Caesar is named Milo when born in Escape. During the beginning of Conquest he is called Caesar and not Milo by the circus owner. Perhaps this is because Milo was known as one of the Apes from the future and naming a circus ape born around the same time Milo would raise eyebrows. But then in a great scene, Caesar is sold as a slave ape and when given a book to point to name himself he defiantly chooses Caesar. I loved the look in his eyes when he points to the name in the book with a sly certainty.

***The Terminator Paradox is based upon the time traveling within the Terminator movies where John Connor needs SkyNet to exist in order to be born as his father came back from the future and mated with his mother. I’m not exactly sure how the Terminator movies deal with this paradox and I probably haven’t explained it correctly but that’s how I understand it.

2008 Movies Roundtable Spectacular

Part VII: Final Round-up

Part I Part II Part III Part IVPart V Part VI


After a short delay from recent movies to write a bit about those old classic Planet of the Apes movies (well, mostly classics) I want to wrap up some other 2008 films that I have watched either in the theatre, on cable or by way of DVD. An update of my 2008 movie list found here.

Grand Torino
Retired crank and racist (retired from working in an automobile plant not retired from crankiness or racism) Walter Kowalski meets up with his teenage immigrant Hmong neighbors. Hilarity ensues. Well, not exactly. Although the racism seems a bit much at times this is still a very good movie that while not surprising does offer some tense moments and keeps you involved throughout. I liked the performances and the interactions between grizzled Clint Eastwood and the young Hmong cast. Recommended.

Milk
A moving biopic of the gay rights leader Harvey Milk. Excellent performances all around especially by James Brolin and and James Franco. I thought the intermixing of old footage into scenes was jarring and misplaced until the very end. It shows how far gay rights have come in the past 30 years but also serves as a reminder of how far they still have to go in light of the Prop 8 vote in California this past November. Good/Recommended

Tell No One
A French thriller/suspense film that actually comes together and makes sense as long as you allow the story to wash over you rather than following it fastidiously. I liked the tempo and pacing and certain scenes like a chase across a highway are very well done. Even the predictable ending confession that ties all loose ends together is better than you should expect. Good/Recommended

Wall-E
Not sure I see what the big deal is about this one. Critics were moon-eyed over this story about the last robot on Earth. I was nonplussed. Boring and not terribly moving despite a few amusing scenes. It proves that Hollywood’s fascination with male-female December-May romances can be related to robots. I was actually glad this one was over when it ended as I found myself constantly looking at my watch to see try to predict when it would be over. Disapointing

Wendy and Lucy
A small story concerned about a couple nights in a young woman’s life as she tries to get to Alaska. Like most good small stories it moves you more by what is left out then if everything is explained ad nauseum. I thought one scene in the train yard was unnecessary but I can see why it was left in. It is a well done film about a side of America not always seen or remembered. Recommended

Great Escape

Dr. Milo went to the shore off the Forbidden Zone. Dr. Milo salvaged Taylor's space craft. Dr. Milo learned "half of it" regarding space flight. Dr. Milo recruits Cornelius and Zira and they enter the space craft as the gorilla led war begins. They watch the destruction of the world as happened at the end of Beneath the Planet of the Apes. All this occurs before their starstruck eyes. The space craft then crash lands in the ocean off of Los Angeles in 1973.

That's all I needed to know. I completely buy that explanation.

Especially as it leads into a smart and plausible story. There's the juxtaposition of Zira and Cornelius first captured by humans with what is remembered of Taylor's time with the apes. An animal rights platform delivered without heavy-handedness. A delightful romp as we watch the apes enjoy themselves in 1973 America. Fantastic character development of Cornelius and Zira as we watch their wonderful relationship. Ricardo Montalban makes an appearance that makes you forget how big a ham Charlton Heston is. Another twist ending that proves these screenwriters had foresight and were looking at the next story.

Escape from the Planet of the Apes is as different from the first two as can be. But it manages to build upon the ape world while not taking place within it. Not the classic that the original is but still a classic. This Apes movie was exactly as I remembered it.

Although upon my rewatching I didn't think much of Beneath the Planet of the Apes, I am glad that Beneath begat Escape.

Now on to the Conquest!!!

Childhood Memories Smashed

Or How Rewatching Beneath the Planet of the Apes Ruined My Night

I just began to rewatch all the Planet of the Apes movies, excluding the terrible 2001 remake. Other than the classic original I haven’t seen these since I was a young lad when they were shown on the Channel 7 4:30 Movie. (Planet of the Apes Week and Godzilla Week were my favorite weeks.) To start, I watched Planet and Beneath the Planet of the Apes back-to-back. Planet is still great. One of my all-time favorites movies. It sets up a great world and ends with a fantastic payoff.

I finished watching Planet of the Apes, thought of retiring for the night, but excitement took hold of my faculties and I popped in Beneath. If asked which of the Apes movies was my favorite I would have answered Beneath. In fact, I did answer Beneath to that very same question just the other day, which was one of the things that whetted my appetite to watch all these again. This favoritism was based upon my childhood memories. I remember a Taylor look-alike who I thought was cool while fighting apes. He gets shot in the arm and doesn’t make a sound while hiding behind a scrub brush, and then in the finale he ends up getting stood up to a wall in a rain of ape gunfire just before the ape world is destroyed. What a way to go! Until I rewatched this movie I would have placed dying in a hail of ape gunfire while the world blew up to be in my top 3 ways of passing on.

Other than the shooting scene behind the bush nothing about Beneath was as I remembered. In fact, I am saddened to say, the movie really isn’t any good. How can something I imagined for around thirty years to be great become so disappointing? I knew something was wrong when I didn’t se Roddy McDowell’s name in the credits. What is going on here? (I have since read up on wikipedia that Roddy was busy directing another film during Beneath’s making and therefore could not be in it.)

The main problem may be that I watched this and the original together. On rewatching the original I found more subtely added and the ape world more complex. . In a short span the movie sets up the different ape groups: orangutans are smart leaders, gorillas are the police force, brutish and powerful, and chimpanzees the diligent workers. It shows how that world works. We see museums, markets, courts of law, churches, research facilities. The orangutans know about the past human history. This is alluded to in one of the first conversations between Zira and Cornelius as they talk about how chimpanzees have been given new rights but that they both realize they can never really know all that the orangutans do and will never sit on the council. The council ruled by the orangutans want control. Even though they claim their civilization is thousands of years old we wonder why they haven’t advanced as much they probably should have. From some tidbits coming out of the mouth of Dr. Zaius we realize that the orangutans have been purposefully holding back the apes from advancing too soon too fast based upon the folly of humans who had done their best to destroy the world. In themselves they see the capacity for destructive war that humans have mastered and they are trying to prevent that. (The subsequent movies play on other human follies that lead to the ape world. Or at least I think it does, I haven’t gotten around to rewatching them yet.)

What was greatly disappointing about Beneath was that it doesn’t really add further insight into this world. They do add a gorilla army, that is belligerent and bellicose, rather than just a police or hunting force. There is one scene where chimpanzees are at a peace protest against the gorillas but this is never explored further. Dr. Zauis sort of goes with General Ursis and his army but he is really the only orangutan around and in the first one he wasn’t even the most important orangutan. (Dr. Zaius is the Minister of Science and the Leader of the Faith.) It seems that orangutans have given control away to a populist militaristic gorilla movement. It can also be seen in any scene involving more than three apes that they really cheaped out on the production design. In group shots I really do think they juts put some gorilla masks on extras and told them to jump up and down.

Other than these ape insights, Beneath focuses way too much on the humans. Especially the stupid telepathic underground mutants. I understand that circa 1969 telepaths and nuclear war destruction were common SF and fantasy tropes but c’mon! You have a great concept in a world ruled by apes. Why add mutant telepaths who worship a nuclear bomb? Not only were the mutants terrible but, worse, they were unnecessary.

I do understand why Brent, the new astronaut, was included. (Because a recalcitrant Charlton Heston did not want much to do with a sequel.) The guy who played Brent was fine if not a bit too much of a “serious” actor. During the scenes when he was attempting to ward off the mutants brain control and refrain from choking Nova I was like “Lighten up man, you’re in an Apes movie.” Intentionally or not, the film does fulfill the promise of modern man as world destroyers as Taylor, the misplaced human, is the one to detonate the “Doomsday bomb” which while small as far as bombs go, apparently packs a humungous punch and was stored in St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City.

The first film packs a wallop at the end with Taylor finding a dilapidated Statue of Liberty. Beneath now imagines an entire ruined NYC that seems misplaced. It does away with time and distance when dealing with the Forbidden Zone. Every cave became an entrance to New York City. And New York after a nuclear war is amazingly easy to get around. Brent went from Queenboro Plaza to the New York Public Library to Grand central Station to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in no time at all.

The movie also starts off with a scene involving Taylor giving Nova his dogtags. Dogtags were never in the first movie. But here is Taylor digging it out of his loincloth and handing over to Nova. How ridiculous. Didn’t anyone watch the first movie? Taylor is completely naked like three times and his only possession is his dirty stinking loin cloth summarily torn off after offending an orangutan’s delicate olfactory senses. It’s not even the broken continuity that bothers me. It’s the sheer laziness. There are a million other ways and reasons for Nova to have Taylor’s name written down somewhere on her person. And dogtags was the best they could come up with. And for more nitpicking, Cornelius and Zira who at the end of Planet were being held in arrest for heresy by Dr. Zaius now appear to be his confidante and living in married bliss. More laziness from the filmmakers.

In addition to the above quibbles I think I was either disappointed in myself or I just found myself questioning the younger me. Did I ever think those mutants were cool or added to the story in any meaningful way? The mutant telepaths were quite lame. I was deflated when I found out that the gorilla General was named Ursis and not Urko. Apparently, Urko was not introduced until the TV series. They were the same rocking helmet, though. The biggest disappointment was the death of Brent which for some reason lasts a lot longer in my memory. I recall a man dying as a hero while being stuffed full of burning lead. The death is quick and untidy and not at all like the image that I have been holding in my mind. Then the voice-over ending concerning a “dead planet” was cheesy and not ominous. And you would think that they would end the series with a destroyed world.

But there is Escape from the Planet of the Apes. The next DVD to be popped in a watched. I remember liking this one quite a bit also. I’m just not going to think about how Cornelius and Zira could have commandeered a spaceship and gotten it off the planet and into a time vortex. It’s not gonna bother me at all.

2008 Movies Roundtable Spectacular

Part VI: A few more movies viewed and more Jason Statham

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V

I've also caught up on a few 2008 movies since my first post. I would throw My Blueberry Nights in the Disappointing column and Gran Torino in the Highly Recommended column. My Blueberry Nights is the first English language movie from Hong Kong director Kar Wai Wong (In the Mood for Love and 2046 being two examples of his best work). My Blueberry Nights just simply disappoints. There really wasn't anything there. It's fluidly shot and well acted (Norah Jones is surprisingly undistracting but no great shakes) but the story is just so much of nothing. There was no sense of place. Perhaps that's to be expected in a movie that has interlocking stories from Manhattan, Memphis and Las Vegas as Norah Jones' Elizabeth embarks on a journey of sorts. But there was no sense that there was no sense of place either. If this was Kar Wai Wong's American journey movie it got a flat tire a few miles on the interstate.

Gran Torino, on the other hand, was a well-oiled machine, much like the eponymous car. Clint Eastwood plays Walter Kowalski, a Korean War vet now retired after 40 years at the local Ford plant. After his wife passes way, he's alone in a changing neighborhood now full of Hmong immigrants. The movies strength comes from Eastwood, both as director and actor. Most write-ups of Gran Torino I've read cite Kowalski as a mash-up of Dirty Harry and Bill Muny from Unforgiven. I see Thomas Highway from Heartbreak Ridge as the true source for Kowalski. It's as if Gunny Highway retired and moved to Detroit he behave and react just as Walt does here. At any rate, Walt begins an unlikely relationship with his Hmong neighbors. Eastwood's ease of pacing as a director carefully choreographs this relationship. What, in others hands, could easily fall prey to sentimental melodrama, exists as true organic moments under Eastwood's steady hand.

This brings to mind another unlikely friendship by another Walt - Richard Jenkin's Walter in The Visitor. Similarly, director Tom McCarthy here also avoids the pitfalls of middle-aged white guy forging new experiences with a different culture in many of the same ways that Eastwood does - rich character development and heartfelt but not corny moments of universal truths. While entirely different movies, how each Walt handles the conflicts involved with their new friends resonates as each deal with a growing sense of powerlessness against outside forces. Each is singularly heartbreaking in their own right.

Now on to some other topics...

1. Nimero has an interesting past list of Best Movies of the Year. Before the blog, these lists were dispersed via e-mail to friends, which I no longer have record of. Nimero's memory is much better than mine as I needed to scan lists of released movies for 2003 and 2004 to determine what my Best was, but to no avail. Here's what I came up with:

2007: No Country for Old Man
2006: The Fountain
2005: King Kong
2004: I have no idea. Nothing jumped out at me.
2003: Maybe Master and Commander, but I think there was something else. But nothing else jumped out at me.

2. My Jason Statham comment was more directed at The Bank Job rather than The Transporter series. But I can't deny that I have been entertained by both Transporter movies even though I yet to see the end of either. Though I know exactly how each ends, thank you very much. The Bank Job is a fun heist movie that has solid characters, is not forcibly self-serious or handcuffed to the being a peroid piece (late 60's England) though it seems to evoke that period very well. It casts Statham as a regular bloke brought in for a can't miss bank robbery when in reality he's a pawn for some rather seedy political play. Of course Statham's regular bloke gets his contractually obligated kick-ass scene. Had no idea his character could do that, but, oddly enough it didn't take away from movie one bit. Such is the screen charisma of Jason Statham. Now to move that Statham movie where he has to keep moving or die to the top of my Netflix queue.

2008 Movies Roundtable Spectacular

Part V: I pick a favorite movie of the year

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

As promised in the Roundtable Spectacular initial post (which thus far, while remaining spectacular, has not been much of a roundtable) I have updated my category list with movies since viewed. At that time, I wasn't quite sure which movie to declare the best (re my favorite) of the year. But I have now decided. Let The Right One In is my favorite and best movie of 2008. Before I get talking about this great film let me recap my favorite movies of previous years. I can go back to 2003 from memory.

2008: Let The Right One In
2007: No Country for Old Men
2006: Pan's Labyrinth
2005: 2046
2004: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2003: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

Perhaps listing these favorites will enhance the reader's appreciation of my cinematic likes and dislikes. More likely, no one cares. On to my favorite of 2008.

After seeing Let The Right One In I knew I liked it. I just wasn’t sure how much I liked it. After sussing it over for a few days I am now of the opinion that it is a modern day masterpiece. It doesn’t add anything new to vampire legend but it reveals quite a bit about human nature in general. Vampires still drink blood and have an aversion to sunlight. There is no vampire origin story and there is an interesting twist on how a vampire/human bond comes to exist so strongly than doesn’t involve hypnotism or bloodsharing. The title of the film also subverts the notion of inviting a vampire into one’s abode nicely. Rather this film is about how one vampire lives and how that life is itself extraordinary. It’s not even about vampires, really. It’s about childhood vulnerabilities and how they are exploited by that child’s peers, both friend and foe. The most amazing aspect of this film is how it portrays its two main characters. The relationship between neglected, picked-on Oskar and the vampire Eli seems touching, even hopeful but upon reflection it is anything but. Inside this film is a story about the difficulties of growing up without getting older and the journey of getting older without having to grow up. It’s still a vampire story, though, and that makes it even more remarkable.

Colbinski, yet to see this tremendous film, is currently reading the book by John Ajvhide Lindqvist. I anticipate Colbinski finishing the book and then watching this film as much as I anticipate reading it once he is done. I do not anticipate the inevitiable Hollywood remake slated for 2010 by the director of Cloverfield which I hated.

2008 Movies Roundtable Spectacular

Part IV: In the Poor House

I didn’t see many movies this year and unfortunately the ones I did see were mainly mediocre. This was partly due to not going to see movies but also to what was available to me as I spent three months of year in Ethiopia. (Ethiopia doesn’t get too much arthouse fare.) But a couple of flicks stood out as really rotten.

The worst movie of the year was The Happening, which I reviewed while in Ethiopia. I’ll preface my bashing of the next two terrible movies by mentioning that I watched them during a long plane ride. So watching crappy movies during a long (sometimes crappy) plane trip isn’t the best way to gauge quality. Alternatively, I think that a halfway decent movie would actually seem better during a long trip just as a crappy one seems ever the more crappy.

Cloverfield ranks in the poor category because I don’t remember it at all. I remember the stupid trailer that everyone was a-gaga over. The film itself? No. I don’t even remember the monster. And I am very keen on movie monsters. Couldn’t tell you how tall, what color, how sharp teeth, if he had cool plates or sails on his back, or what sound he might have made. After first seeing it I wasn’t impressed but the quickness in which I forgot everything about this movie astounds me and makes me regard it as a horrible piece of pop culture. It doesn’t even achieve what the worst pop culture does and stay ingrained in the consciousness for any period of time. Speaking of forgettable, don’t get me started on the bland actors and actresses. They should immediately return to whatever WB family drama (that most likely stars Treat Williams) they emerged from and never grace the big screen again. This signifies the problem for a movie like this. If you are going to have stupid characters doing stupid things and placing their stupid friends in stupid situations then at least make them interesting. A prevailing theory in Hollywood today seems to be that we should care about these people only because they are pretty enough to star in a movie. Boo! So don’t waste your time on this one. Rent the original Godzilla to see how city trashing monster movies are supposed to be.

This uninteresting characters yet pretty actors in a bad movie brings me to The Strangers. I watched this one on a laptop from a pirated Ethiopian DVD rather than at 30,000 feet above in a metal hull flying across the sky. At least there is an attempt to go inside the characters a bit but it doesn’t work. Then the usual starts happening. False suspense and loads of scenes where people in creepy masks appear behind the character we don’t care about and then disappears again undetected. Just like movie monsters I am also keen on slasher films. But this new wave of horror/slasher flicks that have cropped up in the past few years have me either bored or disgusted. By disgusted I mean that in a “I can’t believe I am watching this crap” type of disgusted. The type of disgusted the people who make slasher films do not want you to feel. A couple spends the night at a remote family cabin. Some people come to kill them. Stuff, mostly uninteresting stuff, happens before they die. Ho hum. You’ve seen it before and better done.

For bland, pretty, uninteresting stuff happening look no further than 10,000 B.C. Another plane movie but for some reason I remember all the laughably bad scenes of this movie. I think when I was five years old and making up stories with action figures I came up with a more plausible and historically correct plot than this movie. Did any screenwriters even do the most basic of research to see what the prevailing theories are for how life was at that time period? After watching this movie the overwhelming answer is of course not. In the span of less than 90 interminable minutes the story goes from an arctic setting to the desert where, inexplicably, the wooly mammoths hang out to assist in pyramid construction, and then back to the arctic. The sabre-tooth cats live in the swamp that separates these two geographical areas and then there’s some slave revolt and a journey to find a kidnapped love thrown in for good measure. I make it sound much more interesting and involved than it really is.

Those were the worst of the worst. And I got to rant a bit, too. Nice.

2008 Movies Roundtable Spectacular

Part III: Jason Stratham Discussion

Based upon an actual conversation:

Nimero: Did you see Transporter II?

Colbinski: Yes

N: Um...did you like it?

C: The car flipped upside down and the crane took the bomb off the bottom of it...(laughs)...(laughs more)...

N: I know...

C: ...That was great!

N: I guess that was great...

C: That was great.

N: It's amazing how such a preposterous scene can really make a movie.

C: It made the movie.

N: Did you like the fight in the oil slick?

C: That was in the first Transporter, I think.

N: Oh.

2008 Movies Roundtable Spectacular

Part II: Fine Performances in Limited Viewing

Click here for Part I of this discussion

As Nimero noted, 2008 proved to be an off year for movie-going and for movie-blogging for myself. I managed to sneak to the cinema to the latest Indiana Jones, the latest Batman, a Genghis Khan movie, and a wrasslin' flick, while only finding the time to do a write-up for Mongol. The other 2008 releases I caught on cable or DVD. Many fulfilling activities, I'm sure kept me busy this year but, suffice to say, my film-going schedule took a back seat. So, without further interruption, here's Colbinski's official (short and none-to-exciting) 2008 Year in Film Recap:

Highly Recommended
The Dark Knight

Recommended
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
The Wrestler

Good
Mongol
The Visitor
Redbelt
The Bank Job
Boarding Gate
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Poor
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Now, about this "rating system." It's been clearly stated that Nimero need not abide by these categories. Since I haven't even seen 10 movies released this year, making atop ten list is out and so these broad-range markers will have to do. Though, like Nimero, the wiggle room within the "Good" category is vast. Mongol teeters on the Recommended/Good scale and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull teeters on the Good/Disappointing scale. I enjoyed enough after seeing it, but I think it was more the anticipation of another Indy movie that carried that feeling. It lacked real thrills and brought out many of Spielberg's worst instincts as a director. But, as Nimero stated, it was another Indy movie and, well, that is enough. Side note: strange how I'm more forgiving of bad Indy movies than of Episodes 1-3 of Star Wars. I think it was the re-visiting of a great character that made the difference versus the introduction of paper-thin characters in the second Star Wards trilogy.

Of the movies I saw, the performances truly carried the way. Of these, Chiwetel Ejiofor in Redbelt was the best. Of course, I'm a sucker for characters that calm, stoic idealists trying to get by, made difficult by external forces, stays true to himself and doesn't waver in the face of increasing adversity. Unlike Nimero, I found the ending cathartic (if not somewhat preposterous in the best possible way). Like many David Mamet movies, the con within the movie doesn't make much sense with one viewing - how deep did it go, when did it really start and why did they even bother to rope in a small-time judo instructor in the first place? - is the only reason why it didn't make the recommended list.

Other notable performances include Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, Richard Jenkins in The Visitor, and Tadanobu Asano in Mongol. Like Ejiofor, all have a quiet center and more is done with what is not said. Outside of Rourke, none of these performances have any buzz, but I think I can safely say that it would be difficult for any other performances to top these 4. And I haven't even mentioned Heath Ledger's tour-de-force as The Joker in The Dark Knight.

Speaking of which, it's funny to think that Tim Burton's Batman was once considered the gritty dark antidote to the 60's cornball Batman TV show. That version seems so cartoony 20 years later. Christopher Nolan, however, understands where the darkness in the Batman mythos comes from and in both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, he deftly coils the tension between Batman's sense of justice and Bruce Wayne's keen sense of loss. He also understands that Batman represents order. So, in stark contrast to Tim Burton's Joker, who, unforgivably, was responsible for the death of Bruce Wayne's parents, Nolan tosses in a wild card, a Joker, into Gotham City, with no origin and no real purpose. Bruce Wayne became Batman due to a random act of street violence. The Joker exists, it seems, to balance the scales of Batman's purpose. I've just oversimplified these heady themes that have been playing out in Batman stories for decades, but Nolan manages to pack The Dark Knight with ideas that are quite subversive to the mainstream superhero movie. And he does it without sacrificing some amazing set pieces and action sequences. The Dark Knight is a thrilling, smart two-fisted tale.

I'll leave it here for now while I work out further thoughts about The Joker and Two-Face, as well as my enduring fascination with Jason Statham.

2008 Movies Roundtable Spectacular

Part I: Not much to say but dagnabbit we are going to say it anyway

Welcome once again to the Colbinski Chronicles end of the year Movie Roundtable Spectacular!

I am leaving spectacular in the title for dramatic effect although this past calendar year Colbinski has seen less than a dozen movies and I have seen less than two dozen. Apparently, Colbinski now lives a life chock to the brim with fulfillment and happiness and does not need celluloid escapism as much as I do. But it appears that end of the year movie rhapsodizing and trips to Ethiopia are the only times this blog sees any action so we’ll do what we can.

The movies we did see will be placed into categories:

Highly Recommended
Recommended
Good
Disappointing
Poor.

These categories are Colbinski’s preference although I don’t see any difference with this and the normally used four-star system with zero stars substituting for our Poor category. Colbinski claims to like the leeway the Good category provides but there is also an advantage to offering half stars. Regardless we will use these categories*. So here’s a breakdown of movies I have watched this past year in those categories.**

The Best
Let The Right One In

Highly Recommended
4 Months, 3 Weeks, 2 days
The Dark Knight
Man on Wire


Recommended
Iron Man
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
The Wrestler
Sayuki Western Django
The Visitor
Gran Torino
Wendy & Lucy
Milk (Good/Recommended)
Tell No One (Good/Recommended)


Good
Be Kind Rewind
The Incredible Hulk
Get Smart
Wanted
Leatherheads
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Disappointing
Red Belt
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Wall-E

Poor
Cloverfield
10,000 B.C.
The Happening
The Strangers

*I see certain limitations already with these categories. Red Belt was a better movie than some on my Good list but I was severely disappointed with it, especially the ending, which I found to be incongruously out of place. By contrast, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crsytal Skull was disappointing but it was still an Indiana Jones movie for chrissakes. That makes it good just because. Also, Get Smart and Be Kind Rewind are fine for what they are and while not exceptional in any way and almost forgettable (more in the case of Get Smart), are mundanely good.

**I plan on seeing more 2008 movies over the next couple weeks so this list will be added to as necessary.

ETHIOPIA: Final Thoughts

I had an incredible time in Ethiopia. Despite being sick on and off for too much time during my first month I still enjoyed my entire time immensely. It’s a great country with great people. Although I have written plenty about the annoyance of people yelling stuff at this faranjo it was never done with any malice. I really only had positive experiences with all the people I met. From those I worked with, especially Meron to Serkie from Cocoon Burger & Juice to Dawit and Mahi at Mr. Martin’s Cozy Place to my interactions with taxi drivers and people who just want to talk to a faranjo were all great. I hope to return to Ethiopia some day and see those people again.

Some other thoughts:

I am happy to report that I took minibuses more than taxis but walked most of all.

Bahir Dar will always hold a special place for me. It was my first trip outside of Addis. It was a weekend that I needed at that time. I remember feeling like the Morgan Freeman character from The Shawshank Redemption while riding on the bus. I was entranced by the countryside and alternatively excited and nervous about the trip itself. But, like Red in that movie, I felt a hopeful anticipation for what lay ahead.

Ethiopia is a country with so much to offer. It’s culture, it’s history, it’s beauty. This is a place that more people should visit. The Ethiopian tourist department should do a much better job of advertising. Especially Lalibela but also places like Harar. And I am sure there are many more places that I never got to that are worth going as well.

So that’s it. That’s Ethiopia. Or more correctly, this is my impression of Ethiopia from three months of being there. It doesn’t tell the whole story of Ethiopia but it’s my story. Maybe it will continue some day.

ETHIOPIA: Lalibela

Lalibela is amazing. I’d say that Lalibela is probably the second most amazing place I have ever visited. The Grand Canyon takes first place in my amazing rankings. I don’t think I can even do justice to how amazing it is with my description or photos. Lalibela has rock churches built like 900 years ago. Not just churches carved into rock but churches entirely freed from the rock. Think of a rock face you can walk over. All rock all the way down. The churches are dug out of the rock so what you are left with is a quarry with a church standing in it. I can’t describe how amazing it is and it is more amazing when you realize that there are 11 of these churches within 42 km of Lalibela and they were all supposedly built within 23 years. Scholars still argue over how they were exactly made although the locals just say that god and angels helped out or that god made the rock like mud so it was easy to make the churches. Regardless, it is still amazing. We only saw the three groupings (5 or 6 total churches) that are within Lalibela itself.

Iris was still hobbling along on her “sick foot” so we went nice and slow through the churches. I think this slow down allowed me to enjoy it all even more. I was able to soak in how incredible it all was and appreciate it that much more. I give Iris a lot of credit for continuing on through all the churches as the ground was rocky and uneven and must have been extremely difficult for her to transverse. I’m not glad that Iris was injured but I am happy that we went through the churches at a snail’s pace. Really amazing.














Lalibela isn’t much of a town. It’s more like a large village. But nice to walk around and buy souvenirs. I got a nice scarf supposedly made by some local monks. A restaurant had some very tasty local honey. Thick and raw it was great spread on some fresh bread. I also visited a tej beat and upon the waiter’s instructions had the medium tej rather than the strong. The medium was strong enough. At the tej beat I met a couple from Sweden that knew a friend I work with and her boyfriend. So the small world continues in Ethiopia.

Although I was still called a faranjo in Gondar and Lalibela Iris took almost all of the attention away from me. Iris is Filipino and very pretty. While walking around with her I didn’t get stared at like I usually do as all the focus was on her. “Konnichiwa!” or “Hey, Chinese!” were the most common shout-outs to her. Her response was always the same: “I’m not Chinese/Japanese/Korean” or whatever other country they shouted at her. No one ever got Philippines, though. Iris said she was determined to put the Philippines on the map in Ethiopia and that’s why she responded to everyone who yelled something at her. Conversely, I kept to my unwritten rule to ignore shout-outs. But in Lalibela the tendency was to yell the country of origin. (“Hey Chinese!”) There seemed to be many tourists from Spain in Lalibela at the same time. I laughed as I heard “Hey Spanish!” followed by “Hey English!” and finally “Hey American!” after ignoring the first two. But this was only shouted at me when I was alone.

I can’t recommend Lalibela enough. Ethiopia needs to conduct better marketing. These churches should be must see for traveling people interested in different cultures and history. Amazing.

ETHIOPIA: Gondar

Gondar, which I constantly mispronounced as Gondor (from The Lord of the Rings), was nice but the two days we spent there was too much. Gondar was the place everyone said you had to see along with Lalibela. I suppose I was just expecting so much more. It’s a nice town with a center piazza and it was very walkable. We arrived in the morning and by early afternoon we had seen most of the big highlight sights. The castle ruins were excellent and gave a great perspective to the vast history of Ethiopia. It was certainly worth visiting but didn’t live up to all I heard and pales in comparison to Lalibela as a place to visit.







The above photos courtesy of Iris as my camera was acting up.

Gondar is used as a staging town for people who are going to spend a few days in the Simien Mountains. As a result every person with a taxi or minibus wants to take you to the mountains. When informed that I was only staying for another day the offer changed to a half-day trip to see baboons. I was told by another faranjo that the half-day trip would not bring me close to the Simien Mountains but that it was probably worth going out there. So the next morning I went on a half-day trip. Iris had a “sick foot” as she injured it before arriving in Ethiopia. As a result she didn’t join me on this trip which involved a hike to see baboons. I talked them down to Birr 250 for the hour drive out to the area and back. I paid an extra Birr 50 to the herdsman that led the way through game trails until we got to the area where the baboons hang out. I had a fantastic time hiking through the mountains. The scenery was gorgeous. I can’t say enough about what a beautiful country Ethiopia is. I am disappointed that I was there only during the rainy season as I would like to compare the lush landscape I viewed with how it looks during the non-rainy season. I did see baboons but never got close enough to see their “bleeding heart.” Gelada baboons have a unique red marking on their chest. So I am told as I couldn’t verify based upon the distance and my inadequate camera. All in all it was a nice trip.





You need to play "Where's Waldo" to find baboons int he above photos.




After this trip I returned back to Gondar. The same people who offered me the half-day trip all wanted to drive us to the airport the next day. It seemed like everyone in Gondar knew Iris and I were leaving the next morning. Everywhere I went I ran into someone wanting to set up a taxi to the airport for the next morning. My negotiating skills still aren’t anything to write home about. But because I still haven’t met up with Iris yet after my side trip I held to my guns and didn’t commit to anything. I figured if I was getting asked every 10 minutes if I needed a ride then Iris may have been also. I wanted to speak to Iris before I did anything. I still hadn’t seen Iris by the time evening came and by this time the offers for an airport taxi had gone from Birr 80 for both if us to Birr 40. I didn’t think we would ever get lower than Birr 20 each so I made the arrangements and gave Birr 20 as a down payment. As it turns out Iris didn’t make any arrangements. The next morning the taxi was a little late and the guard at the hotel laughed when I told him that I gave some guy Birr 20 as a down payment. “Do you think they’ll show?” “You never know.” Was all he would say. Another taxi passed by and said he would take us for Birr 70 and incredulously claimed that no one in their right mind would bring us to the airport for Birr 20 each. Then our taxi showed and I paid the other Birr 20 and off to the airport and then Lalibela.

One highlight of Gondar was a coffee ceremony that Iris and I went to. A young man had taken a shining to Iris and followed us around quite a bit. He invited Iris to a coffee ceremony at his mother’s house and I tagged along. We ended up at his older sister’s house. Along with her two little precocious children (the two year old called me faranjo non-stop and they both sung and danced to whatever pop songs came on the radio.), and grandmother we had a traditional coffee ceremony. The coffee beans were roasted, then ground and then we had three cups as called for in the ceremony. I really had a great time playing with the kids and interacting with the rest of the family. It was one of those events that I wasn’t looking forward to (it was raining fairly hard and I really didn’t want to walk the 10-15 minutes from the hotel to the house) but turned out to be very enjoyable. I’m glad I went.

ETHIOPIA: New York

After a long plane ride I arrived back in New York just over two weeks ago. Just two weeks. It seems so long ago that I was in Ethiopia. Work and school began again almost immediately after I returned. I must have said a million times “Did you read the blog?” to people who I thought were reading the blog but asked me questions explicitly answered within it. Because of work and school and catching up with family and friends since my return I haven’t written about my last week in Ethiopia or any other parting thoughts. So here goes.

Due to time constraints in my last week I had decided to fly to Lalibela and Gondar rather than taking a bus. I had booked tickets from Addis to Lalibela and then to Gondar and back to Addis. I was traveling with my friend Iris who stopped by Ethiopia on her way to Uganda and then Tanzania. Iris tried to book the same flights but the flight from Addis to Lalibela was sold out when she went to confirm. So we both spent quite a while in the Ethiopian Airlines office and were able to switch flights around and ended up going to Gondar first then Lalibela. This worked out better as Lalibela was so much better than Gondar and I think if we had done Lalibela first Gondar would have been even more of a disappointment. Luckily, Ethiopian Airlines does not charge change fees so I was able to change all my flights. I did have to pay the 5% I saved by initially booking on-line, as I had to go to the office to change. The flights were quick and easy and worth doing even though you miss out on seeing the countryside. The flights were also more expensive than I was expecting but Ethiopian Airlines charges faranjo prices. Ethiopian residents pay about 50% - 60% less for flights.

The trips to Gondar and Lalibela will have their own separate posts.

ETHIOPIA: Departure

In all likelihood this will be my last post from Ethiopia. I will be traveling in Lalibela and Gondar with my friend Iris who is stopping in Ethiopia after traveling extensively through Asia and before she continues to other African destinations. Then next Thursday at the ungodly hour of 4:20 AM I will embark on my journey back to NYC. I make no promises but I will attempt to post about the last week’s worth of traveling and any other thoughts from being in Ethiopia for the past three months. I figure I can organize my thoughts during the plane ride. But I begin work and school almost immediately upon returning so I’ll try to continue posting once back. That’s all I can say.

Addis is an extremely frustrating yet eminently likable city. I am going to miss it when I leave. I’m even going to miss being called farangi. Ethiopia is a great country. Such great sites to see, such long history to absorb. The people are friendly and I wouldn’t hesitate to visit here again. I had a fantastic time.

ETHIOPIA: More buses

During my first or second week in Addis I met a German man, Guenter, was on his way out of Ethiopia, to visit Yemen for a couple months. Guenter worked in Harar and told me to call him the second week of August as he would be going to Harar and if I wanted to visit I could get a ride with him. I tried to call Guenter this week as I penciled in visiting Harar on my schedule. But no go. His phone was turned off and I couldn’t reach him. He must still be out of the country as I am sure he would have stopped by the Cozy Place if he wasn’t. This left me with no choice but to take the bus again.

The bus station wasn’t nearly as chaotic as the trip to Bahir Dar. Colleen went and purchased the tickets the day before and when we showed up just before six in the morning they ushered us directly onto a bus that had three empty seats and the bus began moving almost immediately. There was a reason the three seats were empty. The cushion on the bench was completely wet. It was disgusting and I hope (and think) it was just water. I placed my trusty rain jacket across the seat so it wasn’t too bad. Still disgusting. Eleven hours later we were in Harar. The drive wasn’t so terrible. I was able to doze a bit and otherwise enjoyed the scenery. I think the time moves quickly when you are seeing the landscape for the first time. When anticipation mixes with wonderment, the newness of that experience can make even the longest of journeys seem short.

Our seats we toward the front of the bus and behind driver barrier so I couldn’t see in front of me. This may have been a good thing but this driver was not as impatient or fast as the previous driver to Bahir Dar. This also limited and took from the normal panoramic view I might have gotten from the bus. Except the driver getting into a shouting match with someone in some village we stopped for lunch the ride was uneventful. And uncomfortable due to the wet seats although my rain jacket performed wonderfully in this regard.

Getting back to Addis from Harar was a bit more eventful. For various reasons - hotel rooms hard to come by for Saturday night, the ability to see all of Harar in a day, the nice thought of having all day Sunday in Addis rather than being on a bus – we chose to come home by an overnight minibus. I wasn’t thrilled with this thought but we did it. The minibus is twice as expensive, twice as uncomfortable, and not really that much faster than the normal bus. We left Harar at 8:00 PM and arrived in Addis at 6:00 AM. The minibus driver didn’t go too crazy and I wasn’t nervous even when it was raining cats and dogs on the mountainous roads.

The minibus was packed to the gills. You couldn’t fit another person or piece of baggage into it with a shoehorn. Amharic music played loudly the entire time with many of the men singing and clapping along to it. Thankfully, no one smoked on the minibus. A lot of chat chewing so at times the bus smelled like chat and peanuts. The driver stopped briefly in many villages as people purchased chat or food. Even in the middle of the night you step off the minibus to stretch your legs and there is a kid with hand out “Give. Money.” Don’t these little scamps ever sleep?

A huge annoyance was constant checkpoints. We must have had to pull over 5-6 times and have customs go through the minivan. The customs official would be talking with the driver or the assistant and see me, Anita, and Colleen and invariably I would hear farangi enter the conversation. This always made me a tad nervous as I was never quite sure what they were talking about. It was raining most of the drive and the driver and assistant would have to undo the tarp and take down some luggage for customs to check. If I owned any of those boxes that were now getting soaked I would have been hopping mad. These checkpoints did allow for pee breaks on the long journey. This may have been their only redeeming quality.

Between the loud music, the uncomfortable seats, the pouring rain, and constant honking (I think the sure fire way to pass the driver’s test in Ethiopia is to honk a lot) it is a wonder I was able to fall asleep at all. But I caught 20 winks along the way and it was nice to be in Addis all day today.

ETHIOPIA: Chat

Chat chewing is done by many in Ethiopia. Chat is a mildly intoxicating plant that contains the same active ingredients as the cocoa plant albeit in much smaller quantities. Ethiopia is a major exporter and consumer of chat. Most of their chat goes to Yemen and United Arab Emirates and other Muslim countries that have outlawed alcohol and other agents of pleasure but not yet chat. (No alcohol is sold inside the walls of Harar as the old city is still Muslim, although an Ethiopian Orthodox church does exist within the walls. Come to think of it I am not even sure if chat is sold within the walls. The market where we bought our chat was just on the other side the wall. But Harar does have its own beer and a brewery in the “new city” that expands outside the walls.*)

Harar is known to grow some of the best and most sought after chat in the world. They say the same thing about the coffee so it may be local pride. One question asked before I left for Harar was “Are you going to chew chat?” and after I returned was “Did you chew chat?” The answer to both questions is yes.

I can’t say it was that great. You buy chat by the kilo. It comes in branches. You pick off the soft leaves and place them in your mouth. You chew it or suck it. Many people find the taste too bitter and therefore eat sugar or peanuts with it. I didn’t think the taste was bad. I just didn’t really like having the plant matter in the side of my mouth. The Ethiopian chat chewers place leaf and stem in their mouth and chew and swallow it all. Some of the old timers chew on the branch as well. I was told by other faranjo that swallowing the leaves could cause stomach issues. I didn’t wish to risk bowel problems with a long bus trip ahead of me so I kept a wad of leaves in my cheek and when the juice ran out I emptied my jowls and refilled.

I was told that you need to chew chat all day to feel any effect. In fact, we were chewing with our guide after the tour of Harar and he set up a little space at the hotel with mats for us to lounge around on while we chewed, which is how serious chat chewers approach an afternoon of chewing. Chat chewers need to put aside a good part of the day to indulge. I chewed for a couple hours. I felt lightheaded but didn’t know if that was from the chat or being in the Harar sun. (Harar was warm and sunny; quite different from the recent Addis weather.) I had a Harar beer afterward and felt good so perhaps there is a synergetic effect going on. I don’t really see the point of chat but I guess people say the same thing about alcohol. If I lived in a repressive country that did not allow alcohol I could see taking up chat chewing. Maybe. Anyway, the locals seem to think a bit higher of faranjo when you have a wad of chat in your cheek.

*Harar beer is excellent and may be my favorite Ethiopian beer. In general, Ethiopian beers are very good. The stand-by beer is St. George**. Almost everywhere will sell it. In Bahir Dar I drank Meta which many don’t like because it is sweet. “It tastes like apple juice” one person said. I really like Meta although normally I like my beers bitter (you are what you drink). Meta and Dashen beer are brewed in or near Gondar in the north. Dashen is my least favorite. Dashen, while still passable as a beer, has an aftertaste I don't particularly like and so I prefer the other Ethiopian beers. Other Ethiopian beers include Castel (“The Queen of Beers”) and Bati, both of which I have only had once or twice. I’ll have to figure out where I can buy Ethiopian beer in NYC. I know that Awash Restaurant in the East Village serves Harar beer among others.

**I still haven't gotten a good answer as to why St. George is the patron saint of Ethiopia. I was told that the Battle of Adwa, where the Ethiopians kicked Italian butt, occurred on St. George's Day and he was made the patron saint shortly afterward. But that seems implausible because in museums and monastaries there are prominent mentions and paintings venerating St. George that go back centuries and the Battle of Adwa occurred in 1896. I think I really just want to hear a story about how St. George, after vanquishing all the dragons in Europe, came to Ethiopia to take on some rogue flying lizard that was terrorizing the countryside. The Ethiopian people, glad to be rid of this fire-breathing scourge, honored him after his death by saint patronage. I mentioned this theory to the person that provided me with the Battle of Adwa story and all I got in response was a sober sounding "There are no dragons in Ethiopia." To which I responded: "That's because St. George killed them all!" Regardless, you have to give props to a religous country that names a beer after it's patron saint.

ETHIOPIA: faranjo

A twist on being called farangi in Harar. They don’t say farangi but faranjo. And use of this word takes on comical proportions. Everyone says it. Everyone. They see a westerner and faranjo comes popping out. This isn’t only street kids and beggars. Everyone. It’s like an instinctive response: eyes see white skin, mouth says “Faranjo” It is such an automatic response that it takes the street kids and beggars a moment or two after its utterance to realize that they have business to conduct and to follow up with “Give. Money.”

You walk down alleys and hear faranjo echo from seemingly empty doorways. You go into a shop and the shopkeeper calls you faranjo before saying anything else. The entire time in Harar, “Faranjo, faranjo, faranjo.” It’s quite unreal. I think if a western doctor assisted in a pregnancy the infant would call him a faranjo before it began squawking.

It would have been much worse if we weren’t walking the city with a guide. The kids would run toward us screaming “Faranjo! Faranjo!” Then they would see our guide and be quiet. Times when the guide wasn’t immediately visible the kids would circle you saying “Faranjo” over and over jumping up and down around you. This caused the guide to yell at them and feign kicking them or chasing them. I can’t imagine how high the hassle factor would be if we didn’t have the guide. Actually, I can imagine it, which is why we got the guide in the first place.

I’m not sure if it was because everyone in Harar says faranjo with a smile or because the “o” on the end makes it seem softer but hearing farangi upon returning to Addis seems more unfriendly and distant.

ETHIOPIA: Ethiopian Gold

Other than reading the occasional headline and seeing the medal counts I haven’t been paying too much attention to the Olympics. By happy accidents though I have ended up in cafes with big screen televisions on during the women’s and men’s 10,000-meter races. I was in Harar during the women’s race and it was nice to see and hear everyone clapping and cheering when the Ethiopian winner impressively pulled away from the rest of the pack during the final lap. I was back in Addis to witness the men’s. Very similar finishes as the Ethiopian looked to be running easy and then when the final lap bell was rung he took off a won, once again, in impressive fashion. In Addis, moments later all the cars driving down the road were honking and flashing their lights. People lined up on the sidewalk cheering on the celebrating vehicles. This went on for over half an hour. I left the café and was walking to Cocoon Juice for a fasting sandwich (grilled vegetables and it is so good) and it was exciting to see and hear all the cheering during my walk.